Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Vivid and Realistic

Dear Peregrin,

I've been having some really strange dreams lately. From what I can remember, I rarely dream of other people and when I do they're not as real as these past few have been. This started a few months ago and it's a total of 3 dreams in all, all about the same person. To give you some background, the dreams are all about a boy named D-. I like him very much and he likes me, but not as much as I like him. I've known him and have been talking to him on the internet for about 4 years now and he's about to go into the Army as an MP, and will be gone for the entire summer. I also work at a convenience store that also makes and sells food (kind of like a 7-11, but better). Ok, here is the 1st dream. There's a shopping center near my house, I was there. There was some kind of party, reminded me a lot like a prom. Very dark, some bright lights, dancing and I was in a tux. I then come home and in my neighborhood there seems to be a block party. There are people everywhere. I go up to my house and there's this guy there I went to high school with (I used to have a crush on him). There's also like a portable bar where my driveway would have been. I go into my house, trying to hide the fact that I'm wearing a tux from my mom. She doesn't seem to notice it and says nothing about it. I go up to my room, change clothes, go outside to the bar, but he's packing up to leave. I'm supposed to be meeting D- at that shopping center for some reason. I then get a call saying that he's not coming. We talk for a bit, mostly me trying to convince him to come down even for a little bit. Then all of a sudden I hear, "No! Mom!" I also hear her slapping him (his dad is a bit abusive, which is why he now lives with his grandmother). I'm on the other end of line going crazy, yelling "Are you ok?!" I then wake up and I was very upset. The feeling stuck with me for a long time.

In the second dream, I'm in my room and I look out my back window (from my back window I can see the back of the house on the opposite side of the block), and I see him in one of the windows over there. So I turn away to do something, I look again, and the house has moved, it's now closer to my house. Close enough for us to talk without having to talk too loud. Then suddenly the back of that house is touching the back of my house. So he climbs through the windows and is in my room. We then go to my mom's room and start kissing on the bed. The last thing I remember before waking up is that he has his shirt off and I'm kissing his chest and stomach. The funny thing about this dream is that when I woke up, and for days afterward, I could still feel his tounge inside my mouth, like the texture of it and all.

The 3rd and final dream (so far), I'm in a strange house, and in the living room, I'm ringing up customer who are buying products. I can't remember what the products are, but there was a cash register there. There were also no products in the house. It's as if they were bringing up stuff out of nowhere. Suddenly someone stole something and I had to get out from behind the couch and run after them. It seemed that I couldn't move fast enough to catch the girls and there were just so many obstacles in my way. Out front it was like a parking lot. It looked a lot like the front of the store I work at. Anyway, I go back inside and I'm getting ready to close down the store (if that's what it was). Then I go into the next room and D- is sitting on the couch in there watching TV. I put my head on his chest and my hand on his stomach. He seems a bit put off by it for a few seconds, but then is ok with it. Like he was shocked I put hand on his stomach. We stay like that for not that long then I have to get up to check on "the store" to make sure it's securely closed and I kiss him. Then I wake up, but when I woke up I just remember his lips feeling so soft, like the last dream.

I guess my question is what do you think these dreams all mean. Also, why can I still have those senses long after I wake up, and why do these ones stick with me, above all the other dreams I have.

Thank you.

Adam

Good morning, Adam.

Whenever we concentrate on a single topic for an extended period of time, we tend to bring it into our dreams, and remember them vividly. It sounds as if your longing for D-'s companionship and your concern for his safety (this is not the best time to be in the Army) have brought these dreams to the fore. This is especially prevalent in the first dream, when you become alarmed over possible abuse.

Some other undertones of this dream include a bit of embarrassment over revealing a certain side of yourself to others - could this be your sexuality? The message from your subconscious seems to be that a) it isn't that much of a secret, and b) those who care about you don't think less of you for it. Still, you feel you have to change clothes before joining the party - you don't want to display this appearance publicly. There's also a bit of loneliness evident - you seem willing to accept the companionship of your high school crush, only thinking of D- when this option fails.

The second dream seems indicative of how close you feel to D- - so close that you feel that it would take very little to physically bring him into your life. Indeed, your long internet association seems to have brought him "right next door," so to speak. There is some wish fulfillment here; it's obvious that you desire physical contact from what you've told me of your waking life.

The third brings up some interesting subtext. There's a blending of work and home life - Do you feel as if you fit in better at work, that it's possibly more of a home to you?

It also seems that you have attempted to have relationships with females and had little success - but you seem to blame outside influences more than your own desires. There is an evident distrust of girls showing here and I suspect it has something to do with personal experience. When you try to get close to D- this time, personal obligations get in the way - yours, not his. Again I see a conflict between public and private lives, as you have to close down the "store" (your public life) in order to feel comfortable with D-.

There seems to be little advice I can offer based upon your dreams. That which I do offer, you may take or leave as you see fit - obviously I can't see into your soul on the basis of three dreams, so I might be way off the mark.

One obvious step is, don't despair over losing touch with D-. If you have an address to write to him, then by all means keep contact. Be discreet - all mail is read by others. Be supportive - Basic Training is a trying ordeal.

But it also seems you could use some more friends. You could take this time to try to meet more people. You may feel a bit better with a few more "live" relationships.

And finally - and remember you can take this or leave it, as you see appropriate - you should take some time to explore your own feelings. There seems to be some discomfort, or possibly confusion, over your own identity.

Pleasant dreams,

Peregrin

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