I Can't Believe It

Dear Peregrin,

I had a dream where my ex-boyfriend came into my workplace to see me. He had shaved off his goatee because he knew I liked his face like that. He then held my hand. He helped me out during a really busy shift and then we ended up going to a secluded spot at the ocean. It was kind of a lagoon. There were high dark gray rocks surrounding us in a sort of circular way. The water was crystal clear with the slightest tinge of blue (almost turquoise) and very deep. the sky was clear and a deep blue with one or two of the whitest clouds. We swam in the water and dived off the rocks (practically flying) into the deep water (which is strange because in real life, he hates the water and absolutely will not get in it). We came together in the water face to face and he said he had been a fool and didn't know what he was doing. I said over and over, "I can't believe it." He smiled and laughed.

Insight into my life right now: 5 months ago, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. It was an intense, passionate, intimate relationship, but I broke it off to clear my own head of a long battle with depression and to sober up as well. I finally did and I told him last week that I still loved him and wanted to be with him, but he is seeing someone else and said he is happy where he is (even though he himself gets drunk regularly) and that he loves his current s.o. I felt encouraged to do contact him last week, as he said he still missed me and that just because one moves into another relationship, feelings don't just die. I haven't contacted him since. I have been missing him terribly and before I went to bed, I told myself I wanted to dream about him.

Marcy

Good morning, Marcy.

In my opinion, you summoned this dream. You used a classic method of dream control, by telling yourself what you wanted to dream before sleep. Most people don't get results from this method so quickly; such a talent is fortunate.

Because I think this dream was summoned, I also think that it probably falls into the "wish-fulfillment" category. You created an idyllic setting, and subconsciously directed his actions in your dream to bring you emotional fulfillment, something which you find lacking in your waking life right now.

Diving into the water together refers to deep emotional involvement, water normally being a symbol of emotion. He's altered himself to please you - something he would have to do in waking life as well, because if he still gets drunk and you do not he is most definitely not the best choice in a suitable partner - he would end up either dragging you back into a lifestyle which you know is self-destructive, or he would leave or sabotage the relationship.

And I think that you already know that this dream did not reflect reality for you - because you kept saying, "I don't believe it." Of course you don't. You know the difference between what you want, and what you need, else you would never have been able to stop drinking.
I'm not saying that this dream had no value for you. It did bring you pleasure, and you needed that. It also points out the difference between fantasy and reality for you, and you need to keep close track of that differentiation right now -- and for quite some time to come.

I highly recommend the movie "28 Days," starring Sandra Bullock, to anyone wanting to understand addiction and the effect it can have on our lives. And to you, I recommend that you explore this ability of yours to influence your dreams - I think you'll find it quite useful, at times.

Pleasant dreams,

Peregrin