Numb Inside

Hi I had a confusing dream which I wanted your advice on.

So here goes.

I am 30 years old now. In my dream I was 28-27 and very much in a relationship with a person of blond hair, medium built messy hair and blue eyes.

We were students. Then suddenly, something happens, I do not remember what but something bad like a tragic occurrence in my personal life happens and this person whom I trusted to be by my side abandons me. I get the feeling of being abandoned but in a very sharp edge like feeling and one of amazement that it happened to me so suddenly and fast. At this time both myself and my partner were students but mature students like in a college or university. I see myself standing alone by an empty ground floor apartment with wind blowing and me just staring into space.

Now I see myself a bit mature like I am 32 or 35 but I look younger, healthier, and confident but am silent. I am quite inside kind of like when you are younger you have dreams and hope and now I am in reality with no dreams but portray myself to the world as a confident, young go getter. Though inside I do not know what I am feeling because inside I am numb.

Then I see myself as an educator a speaker to students, and funny they kind of look like medical students? Because they are all wearing white coats and smiling at me in a very friendly way. Anyway, I am welcomed in an auditorium full of students and am greeting everyone as they seem to know me and me knowing them. Kind of like they are my students but this cannot be because they are not that much younger to me only 3 years or so.

Then I go up to the podium and then suddenly the dream comes back to the person who abandoned me and I see him holding me from the shoulders and gently shaking me and telling me that I did not want to leave it was just necessary but I had faith in you and I am just staring at him blankly and daydreaming.

What could this mean? By the way I work in a teaching hospital may be all this is just getting to me and I am having crazy dreams about the place at which I am working.

Thanks

Though the weird thing was that sometimes you can actually feel in a dream and when I woke up from this dream emotionally I was drained and exhausted.

MJ

Good morning, MJ.

You describe your feelings very well, which gives some clues about the meanings involved. Abandonment dreams are generally more common during childhood, and center around the parents - usually about the time that the child begins to understand mortality.

Yours seem different. The young man who "abandons" you is more your age at the time, and represents something other than a parent. Your feelings of being numb inside offer a clue - he has something to do with your own joy for life. He doesn't return until you get up to the podium to teach. His explanation for his departure leads me to believe that he does not represent a person at all, but rather a part of yourself that you temporarily put aside - perhaps you placed a higher priority on your career and didn't have time to enjoy a hobby, or dating, or children? Or perhaps you did not pursue the career that you really wanted, placing a higher priority upon earning a living?

But now he is back - indicating that it's time to again rearrange your priorities and get some enjoyment from life. I'd guess that you've earned it.

Pleasant dreams,

Peregrin