I look forward to your interpretation of this dream which occurred December of last year.
Howard is a man I had dated from April to June of last year.
In my dream I lived in a converted warehouse in which about a third of the building was my flat/apartment and the other two thirds was space designated for the drama workshop. The building was similar to a dolls house in that one wall was missing and every one could look in and watch everything I did.
A female from the workshop walked up stairs to my flat and gave me three white tea shirts telling me I should bring one when I attend drama class. I did some house work and then decided to go to drama class and took one white tea shirt with me.
All the students were in a circle, playing Chinese whispers. I did not join the circle but sat on a chair behind the girl who had given me the tea shirts.
She turned around asking me if I had met Roger. In reply I told her that I had not met Roger and then curiously enquired about Roger. I was told that Roger was the guy who lived in the flat before I did and the girl giving me the information seemed a little surprised that I hand not met Roger. Two ideas came to mind Roger maybe dead or Roger is Howard.
I then went back upstairs to my flat and I did not have the tea shirt with me. I continued my house work then Howard visited me. I had not seen him for quite some time and I was pleased to see him. We chatted for a while and then he left. A few hours later Howard returned which seemed strange to me. We were chatting in the kitchen and then I led him into the sitting room offering him a large comfy cream leather armchair. As he sat down I knelt beside him and told him that I do not want this. In my dream I was telling him I do not want this type of relationship. I woke up with the words repeating in my mind "I do not want this. I do not want this. I do not want this!"
Thanking you for your time and attention
Good morning Sophia. It's nice to hear from you again so soon.
The layout of the flat suggests a life on display. Perhaps you felt that you had no privace, or time to yourself. Or, perhaps you felt that you had no secrets - nothing to hide. I tend to think that it's the former, because so much of the flat is not living space for yourself, but rather devoted to a drama workshop. This would indicate a feeling that much of your time is spent hiding behind an act; that you cannot be yourself.
I find the t-shirts interesting but puzzling. You're given three, but told to take one - obviously you'll need the others later. You dutifully take the shirt with you to drama class, but nothing is done with it - and you don't have it with you when you return to your "private" quarters. It strikes me as a useless and arbitrary requirement. Such shirts are usually worn under other clothing, as a protective measure - perhaps it represents a need to be especially careful not to let any of yourself show through the veneer of your outer personality?
I had to look up "Chinese whispers." When I played this game in grade school, we called it "telephone" or "rumors." I think that's what it represents in your dream - you do not participate in gossip; you are out of the loop.
I think that there's little doubt that Roger and Howard are different aspects of the same person. Roger may be a side of the personality that is rarely shown, perhaps not in a long while and never directly to you. But you suspect the presence of this personality, which is why you feel uneasy when Howard returns - this is "Roger."
I think that the rejection of the relationship is not so much a rejection of Howard, or even necessarily of Roger, but the fact that he has secrets and you do not. This arrangement seems very one-sided to me.
If this were a more current dream, I might advise you to tell Howard about your feelings, and try to arrange some more "me-time." I get a strong feeling, however, that you already knew this.