Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Daddy, Get Up!

Hi Peregrin walker, thank you for your time and for answering my question.

I have dreamt with my deceased fiance nights in a row and I am wondering what it all means. That is if there is some important meaning behind them.

The first, we get out of a cab. He opens a door with a key. Once inside, he stands against the wall (behind the door) and tells me that that's what he did when he got shot. The doors are made of glass, but the glass is black; you can't see anything outside (this is the way it was at his place of work by the way). We are in a little room, I then realize we are in the room of the restaurant he was shot in. He then walks over and starts doing something. I on the other hand, am sitting down with my legs stretched out in front of me. I then start to somewhat have like a nervous breakdown. For some reason, it was like I was reliving what he had gone through.

The second takes place that him and I are going to check out a new apartment. While we are in the apartment, we are talking, I forget about what. I believe that he had to go because I started crying. For some reason, he started shaking and looked like he was in pain, then he disappeared.

The third, I am walking with him and we come upon a child's amusement park ride. I look down and see him lying down with his eyes closed. He had no shirt on, but for some reason he was sweaty. He had perspiration on his forehead. Then suddenly I hear a little boy's voice. I could not see him, but he was standing next to me. He said "Daddy get up, wake up!" Then my fiance opened his eyes and got up. For some reason, I feel that this was 'our baby' that I miscarried about 8 months ago.

The last dream, I dreamt that I was telling him about the dream I had of him (referring to the 2nd dream above).

Do you have an idea why I'm dreaming of him so much? What about the little boy telling him to get up? Is there something (my deceased fiance he is trying to tell me? I will really appreciate any feedback, thanks.


Good morning, Veronica.

It's my opinion that these dreams are an effort on your part to understand what has happened, and try to find some meaning behind it. Since you miscarried eight months ago, obviously your fiance's death is very recent and it's going to be in the front of your thoughts for quite some time - a year or two would not be unusual, in spite of what psychiatrists claim about some "six-month" limit.

Right now, your mind is trying to work through the loss. By dreaming that you are experiencing what he did when he was shot, you try to bring yourself closer to him. You had so little time to share in life, that you are feeling as if you want to share every part of it.

The second speaks directly of the loss to you. The new apartment represents the life you were going to have with him - a life from which he has disappeared, just as he did in the dream.
The dream with the child certainly does speak of the loss of the baby, but more, the loss to your inner child as well. This is a denial phase of your loss, which gives us an idea of where you are right now.

When you dream that you are telling him all this, it's because you would like for all of it to be no more than a bad dream. We call this wish-fulfillment, and I'm afraid you're going to have more of this type as you work through your loss.

Just remember that you're going to get through it, and you're going to feel inconsolable and even a little irrational for a while. Most people will not understand your loss, and even if they do it won't seem like it because you have to recover at your own pace.

Pleasant dreams, and hang in there.


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