Anxiety Dreams

Dear Peregrin,

Can you please translate my dream for me? It has occurred many times and changes a little each time but this is the most vivid one that I have had to date and its really cutting in on my sleep time.

My mom called me up stairs and she told me to wait in her room and instead of crawling into bed I slid in the bed pushing all the blankets and pillows against the wall and propped my self against them. After a few minutes I felt wrestling underneath me and it was my baby kitten. He was sliced open from throat to navel. I ran outside to show my mom what I thought I did and she said that the kitten was fine, and to put it down and let it be, so I did and the kitten just sat there and quivered. I turned and picked it up and gave it to my sister and told her to take it to the vet.

Then all of a sudden I am driving down the express way with my boyfriend in a black sports car I tell him to watch out because the cars are starting to stop. Right before we get to a viaduct there is a nuclear apocalyptic explosion, which sets off a chain reaction of smaller explosions. People are starting to drive in reverse to get away from the explosion and we do the same as every one else when all of a sudden we are cut off by a black work van and are caused to spin out of control and we land in a grassy ravine. After we check that we are ok I look at the time and it is 11:30am. I start to look around and see that there are no people in their vehicles. I look at the sky and the sky is blood red and the sun is blood red and falling out of the sky.

We walk for a bit and it is already the darkest night that I could ever recall in my life the road turns from black top and pavement to a gravel road. We continue walking and we see an old plantation mansion, which stands 8 mansions wide by 4 mansions deep and 5 mansions high. This mansion is very pre-civil war very lived in and very dark and eroded. There is an eroded white picket fence that is missing some slats. The gate is off the hinges my boyfriend and I walk in to the house and right away we make a right in to the first room.

The room is extremely dimly lit and there are no windows in this particular room the walls are done in deep dark blood red and it looks kind of like an artist's room. There is a desk and some other stuff... papers are strewn all about the floor and desk like some one was in a hurry. Barely visible to the eye there is a door that is on the other side of the room and we cannot see inside it or what is in it.

A girl staggers out of the doorway and exclaims that she is dying and begging me to help her. I ask her what is wrong and again she says that she is dying. I told her that I cannot give her my advice if I don't know what is wrong with her she exclaims with tears that she has strep throat, I chuckle a little and I told her that all she needed was some medicine and that should cure her. Once again she said that she is dying and that the doctors said that she was dying. She grabbed my shoulders shook me and said that she has strep throat and that she is dying. I told her that the only way that someone can die from strep is if they had the accompanying virus that eats flesh. She started to squeeze my shoulders harder than what I have felt before and opened her eyes they where like the color of the moon white/silver and her skin was pale and greyish white. She started to punch me in the face and it pissed me off because she broke my lip open and was bleeding. We started to pummel the stuffing out of each other and all I can hear is my boyfriend saying that it is not worth it and lets go (repeatedly)!

I finally broke away from her and pushed her down to the ground, and she gets back up with a steel silver kettle filled with gasoline and douses me with it and starts talking gibberish to me, asking if I am ready to die and that I should have died along time ago and that she was going to do what death couldn't. She's throwing matches that burn out too quickly to set me ablaze. I lunge at her and beating her senseless. I grab the kettle from her and smash it against her head and she starts bleeding she runs into the other room and is gone for a few minutes and in the time that she is out of the room I douse the room with the gasoline all over the desk and papers and what not... I go to pick up a few pieces of papers that are shaped in the shape of a heart and I try lighting them but they won't start. The girl comes running screaming with her eyes glowing and she has an axe in her hands.

My boyfriend grabs the papers leaving me to deal with the girl. She charges at me getting ready to chop me in to pieces and I take the remains of what ever is left inside the kettle and I throw it in her face and all over body. She swings the axe in attempt to bury the axe in my chest but break her swing and I grab the axe and I jab her with it and I hit her over the head and throw it into the wall across the room. She jumps up and screams that she is going to kill me. She runs to the other side of the room to grab the axe and my boyfriend hands me the papers that are lit on fire and when she comes to charge me again I throw the papers at her and she goes up in flames with the rest of the room.

We run out and my boyfriend says that he is going to go get some help from the bar across the street he goes in and I can hear him say that he already is taken. But he never comes back out. I go in and exclaim that the mansion is on fire and that a girl needs help in there. They turn and with the same color glowing eyes and the same color skin say that no one has lived there for a very long time and that it was probably a ghost.

I cannot find my boyfriend anywhere. I step back outside puzzled and I wonder why the house is not ablaze. I look around and there are hordes of people with the same color eyes and the same color skin walking towards me and I can hear them talking but I cannot make out if it is a human language or not. I get ready to defend my self and end up some kicking some ass before I get hit on the head and knocked out.

Michael

Good morning, Michael.

First off, nightmares are nearly always caused by some sort of anxiety in waking life. A recurring nightmare is indicative of chronic anxiety. Let's take this one apart and examine each piece.

The kitten:
The conflict is between you and your mother (or someone that you associate with your mother). You perceive a dire problem, and she does not consider it serious. The kitten represents something you care very much about. Someone you expect caring and nurturing from, is ignoring the problem. Your sister (or someone similar) is more trustworthy than the authority figure concerning this issue.

The explosions:
A relationship - possibly the one you have with your boyfriend - seems to be headed for disaster, or for some world-changing event. You try to back away from the event - just like everyone else is doing (or like everyone is TELLING you to do), but that path is blocked - you can't back away. When the explosions occur, you and your boyfriend are all that is left - everyone else is gone. This sequence says that you do not believe that everyone else is correct in their advice to you - you believe that your relationship will survive this change. Some ideas on what the change could be - one of you moving away, or graduation approaching, or the two of you having sex for the first time. Pay attention to the time indicated - it may contain a clue to the nature of the event. Clocks can also imitate calendars, so 11:30 could also mean November 30th.

The plantation:
A scene filled with foreboding. Even though you have survived the apocolypse, dark times are ahead and it's scary to you. Once a rich and opulent setting, having fallen to decay - a future which does not look as bright as it used to.

The sick girl:
Someone with a problem which doesn't seem all that serious to you. This seems like a strange reversal of the kitten scene, where you had the problem that others did not perceive. Now you have someone demanding your help with a problem that does not seem serious to you, and which you are really not qualified to help with anyway. The big difference is, she becomes insistent to the point of violence when you do not do as she demands. Similarly, in waking life someone is making unreasonable demands upon your time.

Your boyfriend helps you escape, but all your efforts seem insufficient when legions of the undead attack. These people all look similar to the sick girl because their role is similar - they are all demanding your time. I think that they represent current and potential obligations. You feel overwhelmed by too many and feel you need more time for yourself.

Summation:
Look at your current schedule and see what can be pared from it. If you find you have to schedule time for yourself, then make sure you do it and honor that obligation first - it will relieve some of the stress you're feeling and will help you get through what you must.
Don't try to go backward in your relationships. Better to slow down than to not watch where you're going. Do not try to conform to what everyone else is doing or wants you to do - make your own decisions and stay in control.

Try to find a way to communicate your issues clearly to the people you need help from. It sounds like she/they truly do not see the problem. You may have to be patient for this, so try to keep your frustration in check.

Pleasant dreams,

Peregrin